Things I’m Doing That Aren’t Writing

If you want to break a habit, the most commonly suggested first step is to get a baseline of just how often,and during what circumstances,you’re actually engaging in that habitual behavior. The purpose is to get a better idea of … Continue reading

Book Review: Hollywood Dirt by Alessandra Torre

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I recognize that it’s been a little while since my last book review, but rest assured that it isn’t because I haven’t been reading! I have been trying to focus more on writing my writing/life related posts, and you know, MY actual novel, when I can get the time and motivation to co-occur. However, I decided to make the time to post this review because I thoroughly enjoyed this story!

The story itself is centered around the two main chracters, the first of which is Summer Jenkins, a good ‘ol sassy southern girl from the super small town of Quincy, Georgia. You get a very clear picture of her life there, with hints of a past drama that has essentially turned her into the town ‘black sheep’ (that gets explained, and is unfortunate in a hilarious kind of way). What I found really interesting though was that the town almost felt like a character in itself. There is an interesting backstory about Quincy, as it was the home of the few original investors in Coca Cola. Consequently, the town of only 7,000 people houses at least 50 millionaires and billionaires who never left. Heck, I’d read a story just about that probably, but I digress.

Summer is very relatable and likable in a ‘stands up for herself and is quite possibly crazy but you’re not sure yet’ kind of way. She’s very close with her mother, whom she lives with, and they sit on their front porch drinking sweet tea that they bought from the small grocery store where everyone knows everyone else after eating big home-cooked meals. It sort of makes you want to live in a small southern town…minus the gossipy, ever-judging townspeople.

Then there is Cole Masten, the very famous heart-throb actor from Hollywood. He is married to another Hollywood actress-one that, from the feeling I got, rode her way up the fame ladder by hanging on his back. You also get the idea that as a couple, they have amassed a large amount of attention like popular celebrity couples tend to do, uni-nickname and all. To be honest I didn’t really care for him at first, but I suspect that was part of the authors plan, she’s great at character development!

Cole is funding a new movie about the initial investors of Coca Cola that is going to be shot in, you guessed it, Quincy. The pre-production scout, Ben (Bennington- great name), heads down there and ends up meeting Summer who he quickly befriends. These two are fun, you want to be friends with them so you can sit in baby pools drinking beer together. He enlists her expertise of the town to help find perfect shoot locations, and she is more than willing because she needs the money to save up for her “grand exit from Quincy” plan. 

Fast forward to Cole, ever so dramatically, walking in on his wife sleeping with another man. (somehow not shocked) Then, enter his lawyer, Brad Deluca. Brad is a tall, handsome, commanding Alpha-type who takes no shit and pretty much has Cole by the reins, as you suspect he probably has everyone else he comes into contact with on as well. Brad is awesome. You’ll want more of Brad. (Fortuitously, Brad has his own series: The Innocence Series, read those after this one) Brad banishes Cole down to Quincy to get him out of the PR nightmare he creates by sleeping with any willing woman in Hollywood in an attempt to get over the end of his marriage. He’s given strict rules not to get involved/sleep with any women while he’s there…spoiler (but not really because it’s clear the book is about their relationship) he doesn’t so much follow that one. 

Cole meets Summer through Ben (the location scout) and is immediately struck by her confident, stand-offish, unimpressed with him demeanor. He thinks she’ll be perfect for the leading role in the movie opposite himself. Yep, he offers her-someone with no acting experience-a starring role in a blockbuster movie. She’s no dummy, she negotiates herself a sweet compensation deal and accepts. Let the drama -literally and figuratively-ensue!

The story proceeds to follow them through their interactions in preparing for the filming, the actual filming, and after. Their relationship really is love/hate-mostly the latter in the beginning- and their very opposite and equally as hard-headed personalities clash at every turn.She also, at one point, gets him a pet rooster. He decides to name it “Cocky”, and he keeps it in the house and attempts to treat it like a dog. It’s ridiculously hilarious. 

You really feel the push and pull between them, and there are definitely a few situations that you’re not quite sure they’ll overcome, but that’s part of what makes it a good read! 

As I normally do with books, I saw this story in my head as a movie while I read it, which is very meta in this case because the story is about a movie being made-and coincidentally they are now making the story into an ACTUAL movie. It’s like ‘Inception’ and the buildings of my mind are folding in on each other. Well,that’s a bit dramatic….but thats okay, because show business!

 

*If you want more info about the movie check out the official Hollywood Dirt Movie Facebook Page

A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Underestimate

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So there I was this morning, sipping my morning coffee-which I’d reheated twice due to having to fulfill the incessant demands of the novel-minions instead of drinking it while it was hot-they wanted breakfast and stuff…so demanding. I got to thinking about how most of us don’t ever learn to harness the power of our own minds. I know,kind of an intense train of thought for someone to have first thing in the morning while cutting food into shapes and brushing Shopkins off the kitchen table. But that’s just how my mind rolls. 

It’s actually something I end up talking about almost daily, because it’s highly applicable in my line of work. That’s my “by day” line of work, not my “by night” writer kind of work. Yet in reality, it’s highly applicable in that too…it’s highly applicable for all of us, all of the time, really. 

I wrote a post a while ago about not “Shoulding on yourself”, which is a more specific example of what I’m referring to now. We all have a constant internal monologue that is happening in our minds, awake or asleep, it’s there. Sometimes we’re aware of it, but most of the time we aren’t. What we ARE aware of is how we feel; our emotions, our general mood-and then our decisions followed by actions. What most of us don’t realize is the direct, instantaneous, connection between our thoughts and those eventual actions or consequences. Logically we know that what we’re thinking about leads to our actions, but we don’t take the time to pay attention to or understand that we have control over that process. That it doesn’t have to be “something that just happens automatically”, it can be something we harness the power to and use to our benefit rather than being just a ride we’re along for. 

Here’s an example of the process I’m talking about:

You’re driving down the road minding your business and a car comes drifting into your lane, cutting you off and forcing you to slam on the brakes. Que common internal monologue reaction(or external, for those of us who let it rip):

                “DAMNIT! YOU ASSHOLE, WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING!” “This idiot isn’t even                                      paying attention!”,”Learn how to drive! There are other people out here besides you,                            dumbass!”  (don’t lie- you’ve done it)

What does this typically lead to, action or consequence wise? You immediately feel angry, irritated, possibly enraged (talking to you, self-proclaimed “road ragers”). You might speed around the car, slowing down as you pass to shoot a death-stare at them through the window, giving them the middle finger salute, shaking your fist…ect.

Now, imagine that when you slow down to do any or all of the above actions you notice that the “ignorant asshole” driving the car is actually a very small, frail looking old white-haired woman. She’s hunched over, trying to look at the road through the top cut-out of her steering wheel because she isn’t tall enough to see over it. Damnit. You immediately lower your hand and snap your head back forward, muttering under your breath while feeling like a level-5 asshole for reacting that way to a poor little grandma. 

Now lets imagine you utilized that aforementioned awareness of how your thoughts influence your actions, employing those skills when you were cut off. Alternate internal monologue : 

              *Slams on breaks* “Whoa! What the…(notice incoming anger-inducing thoughts)                 geez, I wonder why that person did that!? Maybe they’re lost…maybe they didn’t see me                 because they were trying to figure out where to go, I know I’ve done that on accident before.”

Then you go around to pass the now slow-moving car, still look in (obviously) to see what might be going on in there, and notice the struggling little old woman. Except this time you don’t have the “I’m a crappy person” guilt feeling, because you didn’t fly off the handle and aggressively road-attack grandma. Thought-control win.

That little example can be generalized to any interaction you’ve ever had that may have ended up in a way you weren’t so happy with. We ALWAYS have the ability to reason with ourselves and force some logic into situations that normally would elicit an entirely emotional response. The trick is noticing it when it’s happening and taking those extra few seconds to make yourself do it.

Similarly, we have the ability to control our emotions and consequences by taking more control over our thoughts-our thoughts also have the ability to create much more positive change than we realize. We’ve all heard about “the power of the mind” at some point or another, and what I illustrated through the example are kind of the base-level building blocks of that theory. 

So, how is this all related to writing you ask-since this is, overarchingly, a writing blog? Well, as writers we all have our own goals for our work. Some of us write just for the pleasure and fulfillment of doing it, and some of us have dreams of being published or beyond. Often we don’t even want voice those seemingly unattainable goals because of fear-fear that our ideas aren’t creative enough, fear that our writing skills aren’t good enough, fear that others do it better than we do-fear of failure. I know I have those fears. But sitting there this morning, scrolling through the Instagram abyss, I had a thought. It wasn’t a self-defeating thought (as I admittedly often have), it was empowering. I scrolled through countless pictures of books; books being read, books perfectly positioned amongst other items to create beautiful images, books that these posters clearly loved…and I thought “One day, someone is going to love my book so much that they are compelled to post it on their Instagram.” 

Wow. I felt happy. I felt motivated. I realized I was actually smiling. That thought and the image that it created in my mind had a noticeable positive impact. It’s nothing earth shattering-think positively and feel positive-but you know what, none of us do it enough. Most of us never take the time to practice the skill of harnessing the power of our minds and using that to propel us toward our goals-not to the height of our actual ability. More often we let skepticism and pessimism invade and pillage up there, maybe not even aware when it’s happening. What we notice is that we just don’t feel up to writing, or we feel “blah” and unmotivated, or that we’re having an inexplicable bout of writers block. But guess what? If you follow those mental dominoes backwards-you’re going to find negative thoughts at the helm. 

So, picture yourself achieving your goal. See that completed manuscript sitting on your desk. See yourself jumping up and down or doing your little happy dance after typing “the end.” See yourself walking through Barnes & Nobles and stopping in front of a shelf that is housing your novel-you pick it up and sign the inside cover, just because, just as a treat to the next person who makes the decision to buy YOUR book because they’ve heard great things about it or the blurb just sucked them in. Look in a mirror and actually say, out loud, “I’m going to finish this story and it’s going to be amazing. People are going to love it as much as I do!” (might want to make sure you’re alone for that one though,don’t need someone suggesting a white-sheet vacation at the local Psych ward) Close your eyes, and do it right now.

How do you feel? I’m going to guess the answer is some form of hopeful, or happy, or motivated. Isn’t that better than “blah”, or frustrated, or discouraged? Remind yourself daily that you’re not floating down this river of life in an inner tube, just hoping to avoid the rapids or white-knuckle it through them, you’re in a canoe and you have paddles. The rapids will still come and go- that’s reality but you have the power to steer.  So visualize your destination, tell yourself with conviction that you’re going to get there, and-as they say-do the damn thing. 

Stop Shoulding on Yourself

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Once upon a Grad-School I had a great professor who, at the time, everyone half-discounted because we all thought was “out there and wacky”-as professors can sometimes seem. Most likely because they are alternating between over-caffeinated and slightly drunk to be able to deal with generally impudent and overconfident grad students everyday. (Side Note: I wasn’t one of those…I was in the “vacillates between over-caffeinated and slightly(ok,moderately)drunk boat” through grad school myself) However, in the clarity that hindsight undoubtedly provides, I realized he was actually borderline genius. Among the many wisdom-bombs he dropped on us during our two-year stint, the one that has stuck with me the most is the phrase “Don’t Should on Yourself.” It was meant as a word of caution, a way to communicate that it is all too easy and all too common for people to second guess themselves prior to/while doing something or berate themselves after. You can, of course, do this in any aspect of your life, which I unfortunately have a history of doing. Here are some shining examples of how this can manifest in the life of a “shoulding” writer: 

 “I know I already have characters and a plot for this story, but what if I SHOULD go in a different direction? Maybe I SHOULDN’T set story here…I SHOULD probably change that. Then change the characters. I SHOULD probably just start over. “(Result: sitting at your computer,not writing anything, yet simultaneously feeling like you suck at writing.)

” Wow, that book was awesome, I SHOULD have thought of that plot!” (Result: Feeling bad about yourself because you “aren’t as creative as Author X”, then contemplating what changes to make to your story instead of actually writing something.)

I am going to be honest, I’ve had plenty of times in my life where I “shoulded” and “what-if’d” myself into borderline-paralyzing indecision. (Just ask anyone who has gone out to eat with me a few times-WHAT IF I ORDER THE PASTA BUT WISHED I ORDERED THE CHICKEN?!) I’ve also spent a good part of the last two and a half years, since deciding to write this novel, over-analyzing and over-thinking everything from character traits to story arcs. Guess where that has gotten me? Partially finished chapters, hours of ‘as-you-go editing’, and tons of totally unrelated story ideas for books that “might be a better idea than this one.” I HAS NO NOVEL. 

So this blog post is a declaration. A declaration that I’m going to work on changing my shoulding ways. I’m going to recognize when I have a shouldy thought, and i’m going to make the conscious effort to let it go. You should to. You should catch yourself when you mentally note a “should-have” or a “what-if”that comes along and say, “Not today, brain!” Make the decision to not allow the planting of those self-doubt seeds. Don’t allow anticipatory regret (or actual regret) to take up residence up there. Do your best. Make the best decisions you can in the moment with the information you have. Sit down and just write (i’m talking to you, me)- worry about the editing and perfecting later. So don’t let the shoulding thoughts eat your brain. Brain eating is for zombies. Go write about zombies…you’re welcome. 

Writing is the New Running

Runners….but, why? I ask because I do not, for the life of me, fathom how people become “runners.” In the spirit of full disclosure I have, in the past (the distant past), tried my hand at running. I’ve always enjoyed certain forms of exercise, but running has never been one. However at one point I started to wish it was, because it was a lot less expensive than what I had been paying for my kickboxing classes/yoga classes/wine tasting trips. That last one just slipped in there. I quickly learned couldn’t hang in the running world. Maybe more so didn’t want to than couldn’t. I hated it. I actually had a visceral response to it. This included obsessively checking my watch to see how much time had passed (normally it was about 25 seconds more than the previous time I checked) and mentally berating myself for deciding to do it in the first place.

Most runners I’ve talked to about this, in my pursuit to understand, have said that it’s because running is “decompression time.” Time to clear their minds or to work through and process whatever is going on in their lives. (I mainly tried to process the fact that my knees hurt while simultaneously clutching my side due to the sharp stabbing pains I was experiencing.) That part I do understand, as should everyone, because we all need something that allows us to work through our shit. I’ve learned first hand what happens when you don’t make the aforementioned shit-processing a priority. That happened after I had our first daughter, as I mentioned in my first post, and it took a while until I even realized what the problem was. I was mentally un-stimulated and lacking a sufficient outlet for my thoughts and emotions. Not a winning combo.

This brings me to the title of this post. Writing serves me in the same way that running serves those masochistic “runner folk” (no offense, I still sometimes kind of wish I liked it). But when I’m writing and can get into a really good flow, it can be like a meditation of sorts. It can also be cathartic, especially if I’m writing about my own experiences or ‘free writing’ whatever comes to mind to get the creativity flowing.

Someone once told me that our minds are like rain barrels. Your rain barrel can be filled to the brim, full of everything you’re dealing with in life, and if it’s kept at this level, just one tiny drop (your kid uses your lipstick for wall décor, or your dog uses your carpet as a bathroom perhaps) can cause it to overflow-for you to lose it and for things to feel unmanageable. So we all need to proactively drain our rain barrels. We need to find whatever it is for us that gives us a mental reset, makes us better able to handle all the ‘rain’ life throws at us, and gives us an outlet for how we’re feeling.

Writing is how I drain my rain barrel. It’s my “running”…minus the cardiovascular benefits. But, then again, someone also once told me that drinking a glass of red wine a night is equivalent to spending an hour in the gym (here’s proof-you’re welcome)…so if you need me I’ll be over here with my laptop and my glass of Apothic Red, workin’ through my shit, and workin’ on my fitness.

Review: It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover

*Words of warning: do not start reading this book unless you have nothing else to do in the time it would take you to finish it- because you’re not going to want to put it down until you do.*

No, really. You owe my kids an apology, Colleen Hoover. They were in their play room playing “princesses attack Shopkins” -those Shopkins should have seen it coming, Cinderella has unresolved abandonment issues and it was bound to come out at some point. Just saying. I digress.

So there they were playing nicely amongst themselves (minimal screaming), and I thought “Oh hey, let me just take these few minutes to start my new book.” Two hours of parental neglect, three episodes of Peppa Pig, and one completed hostile Disney princess take-over later I came out of my book-fog. I forced myself to resume parenting by reminding myself there were only a few more hours until I could put them to sleep for the night and get back to the book. It was HARD. I briefly contemplated how they might fare making themselves dinner, but neither of them are over the age of 5, so the book stayed closed.

In all honesty, I already love Colleen Hoover as an author, so I knew this one was going to be good. But I was absolutely not prepared for the wave of emotions I’d feel reading it. I went from sympathy, to excitement, to sadness, to amusement, to anger, to hopefulness, back to anger, and finished off with relief-laced disappointment co-occurring with a confusing sense of contentment. I literally closed the book and stared at my husband (who was trying to gauge my reaction and failing) before answering his “So, how was it?” with, “I….I’m not….it was good…I think?” I was still mid-process, I didn’t know how to feel. My feels had feels. 

I don’t think this book is good, I know this book is good. It’s great. It’s thought provoking, and it’s important. It tackles the very complex and tragic issue of domestic violence, but it does it in a way that opens up your point of view to not just anger for the abuser, and not just sympathy for the victim, but a raw and honest glimpse into the absolute struggle that can rage inside both parties.

I almost don’t want to even give a breakdown of the plot of this story because the importance of what happens and the twists that unfold are a huge part of what makes this book what it is. Okay no, not ‘almost don’t want to’, I’m not going to. That’s how strongly I feel.

If you’re looking for a light, surface-level romance read, this one might not be for you. Although the romance in it is also fantastic (#teamatlas- you’ll get it when you read it). The relationships that develop are incredibly believable and realistic, which is not always how things go in romance novels…but it is if they’re done right. However, if you’re looking for a story that is compelling, and for characters that you end up feeling so invested in that you want to be friends with them in real life (the main character, Lilly, writes to Ellen DeGeneres in her journals, how awesome of a character detail is that) then give this one a try. Bravo, Colleen. I was a fan before, but I’m your fangirl now. I’m going to write to YOU in my journals.

Click here to find “It Ends with Us” on Amazon

But,why you blog?

Obviously, from the title of this website, you know I’m a mom. I’m a mom of two little girls, in fact. But long before I was a mom-in a time which I now in hindsight refer to as the “take everything for granted years”- Before my days were filled with all tasks relating to keeping small humans alive (and trying not to psychologically or physical ruin them), I had all the extra time in the world to immerse myself in good books. I escaped into novels- romance, mystery, historical, almost anything- to give myself a break from my monotonous life of working and then being free to do whatever the hell else I wanted whenever I wanted to do it. Go sit at a coffee shop and read in a cozy corner? Yep. Spontaneously make plans to go do something fabulous and fun with my equally responsibility-free friends? Totally. Take weekly hot yoga and kick-boxing classes for ‘stress relief’? Check. Or sometimes just plop down on the couch and watch mindless television, uninterrupted? pssh, everyday. What an ass hole.
Okay, I wasn’t an ass hole, I was just living my pretty great (most of the time) life blissfully unaware of what a much smaller amount of that “me time” I’d have in the not-so-distant future. Like a much smaller amount….like a fraction of a fraction of it.

Don’t get me wrong,I of course love my kids and would never change having had them ever…but this shit is HARD. Some days are great, but some days I just want to have a frustration-fueled meltdown and down some boxed wine. A lot of the days…all the wines. Sometimes the temporary solution to life’s problems is housed in a plastic bag of vino that’s housed in a square cardboard box. Or in glass, I drink  out of bottles too, there’s no discrimination here.
So anyway there I was, going along trying to work and raise my two kids under three and all that comes along with that, realizing that despite my attempts at holding onto the things I was once passionate about in life, they’d all but disappeared. I still read though, I never stopped reading, I just read less efficiently. Then one day I thought, you know what…I want to write a book. No, I NEED to write a book. Yes, I’m going to write a novel! Oh, sweet, idealistic, impulsively motivated me…bless your heart.
I actually did start writing a novel back then. Two and a half years ago. I wrote down (and continue to write down) my almost constant stream of story ideas as they came, and stole a few hours here and there when I could get the time away to write. Fast forward to today. I have pages of different story ideas (unrelated to the story I had started writing) that I think were pretty great. I do not have a novel. Or even a good portion of a novel. Oh, I forgot to mention I also suffer from chronic, borderline crippling procrastination. I’ll talk more about that later…probably. If I remember.

That brings me to why I decided to start this blog. Renewal of motivation, maybe some accountability, and some good old fashioned catharsis. A place to share with other like-minded people, or people with totally different minds than mine who just might get it too.

So, this is my blog. My blog reviewing the awesome books I read that give me the feels. My blog to talk about my attempts to reclaim the “me” that has fallen by the wayside over the years. The “me” who is still damn determined to write my novel, despite the pile-ups of life that get in my way. This is also a blog for the “me” who just needs an outlet for the crazy shit life throws out. If I can’t look at it all in a humorous way every so often, well, I’ll probably end up being one of those “crazy shits” being thrown into the lives of my family members and friends. So help my family and friends, read my blog.